I love you...so i won't!

"If you love me, you'll let me..."
"If I let you, I will lose you,"

You aren't pleased with my answer, but let it go. Am no fool; I don't believe you won't ask again. But I'll stick to what I say because I know...
The age old lie you use...to get at what you want...what about what I want?

Your desire blinds you to your own selfishness. You tell me, "It'll only bring us closer..." and you believe your lie.
Am told different...I know different.

I've let you hold me...I've let you kiss me...I've given you everything I can, but this last one I can't...I won't.
Why the greed? Can't you settle for what you have? It's a lot already!
I know...how it will be. As soon as it's done, you'll leave. Most probably you'll leave. Or, just maybe...you'll hang around, wanting more. It might be nice at the start. Then things will change. Maybe suddenly, immediately...maybe more gradually, more subtlely. It'll become all about that single act of gratification...nothing else.


...if you'll even stay that long...

I want so much more. I deserve so much more.
So do you. Love looks out for the other's best interests. I do, for yours. Which is why I won't.

You repeat, "If you love me, you'll let me..."
"And if I don't...?" I ask
"Then you don't love me..."

You turn your back on me. It hurts, honestly it does. To think that this that I hold so sacred, means nothing more to you than one single act...? My shoulders slump in sorrow. I turn away too.
Then I raise my head, I square my shoulders. I'd rather lose you because I wouldn't...than because I did...I Am Right...

But I do love you...

I turn back. You look over your shoulder at me; in your eyes I read...regret?... anger?... remorse?...wounded pride?...loneliness?...
My resolve cracks as u turn to face me. You reach out, your eyes searching mine. I step closer, take your outstretched hand...
"Will you let me...?" you whisper as the distance between us narrows.

I drop your hand; I step back. This is never going to stop, unless...
I turn my back to you. I won't look back this time, I tell myself as I take the first step away. I know you are still looking at me, but I Won't Look Back!

"I love you...so I won't"