Now What?!!?

I look ahead at what is to come-at what lies ahead- and I feel this…strangling… this panic attack starting somewhere deep inside. With an effort I block thoughts of tomorrow-of the future-because to think of it is to feel walls closing in…to feel the air being sucked out of the room, leaving me gasping…a fish out of water…

I look back, hoping to see…what? That wrong turn? That error of judgment that landed me at this point of impossibly complex crossroads? It’s not there. They all seemed like right choices then, even wise. But looking at where they’ve brought me to, I wonder…were they really?

Maybe I should have taken a left there, or a right here. Maybe I should have questioned the wisdom of following the arrows marking out the path…querried the guiding voices. Maybe I should have glanced at the unmarked paths running almost parallel to mine; maybe I should have explored all the offshoots at all those junctions I marched unseeingly through…

But I just plodded on, only occasionally asking…”Are you sure?” and not really hoping for a negative answer because it was so much easier to follow the arrows and trust the voices to lead me to the right point. Well, they did…Here. Now.

I look ahead-a zillion crossroads-and see no arrows. The voices are silent.

I AM ALONE