Where is daddy?

Where is daddy?

That car that passed, its lights are on. Daddy comes for me before the cars put on the lights.

Me, I am now feeling cold. A suna bites my leg.

Where is daddy?

Maybe I walk to home, like these other big children passing me. But it will be very dark soon. Mummy told me not to walk alone when it is dark.

Akello and the others said I walk with them when we leave class. But I want to stay and play with those of Auma and Faisi. They only go to their home in holidays. And daddy said in the morning that he come for me. So those of Akello, they went already.

Where is daddy?

Faisi has long hair and nice clothes. I like to be her friend. She likes me better than Auma. But Auma start to laugh at me when I win the game. My hair is like millet, she says, and my dress have holes. I feel very sad, so I lie that I see my daddy and I come out of the gate.

Now me I am sitting on these steps infront of the church, seeing the cars and the boda-bodas and the bicycles and the big school children and other big people passing. Small children like me are not walking at this time.

Where is daddy?

I forget my sweater at home in the morning. This dress uniform has no sleeves. All my hand feels cold now. I can put this fingers in the pocket so it does not feel very cold but this other hand is still cold.

The big children are walking together. They are talking and laughing. I feel a bit cold inside. Maybe I go back and play with Faisi. I will not talk to Auma. They are even laughing behind the fence. But they will ask me where daddy is. Then Auma laugh at me again. But she has millet hair like mine. Her dress does not have holes because she is the big girl at hers. For me, all the three big girls wear the uniform dress before it is my turn. Even when baby Yakobo starts to put on clothes he will put on those the four big boys already wear.

But were is daddy?

Even the big people are walking with their friends. Even the people they are carrying on the boda-boda and the bicycle are talking to the drivers. I feel cold on my hands and legs, and also inside. And the sunas now bite me everywhere.

Where is daddy?

That one is walking alone. Far away, I see it is a man, but now I see she is a woman in man’s clothes. The long ones. Teacher Grace said they are called trawzas. She is talking to herself as she crosses the road. Maybe she is mad. She has those things they put in the ears for music. She looks at me and makes a funny face. She smiles by herself. She is mad! She even has that hair of rastas. Mummy says women who wear trawzas are bad. Even people who have rasta hair.

She reaches me and I fear.

Where is daddy?!

She passes me and I stop fearing. She has a bag on her back, like mine for school, but hers is big! Does she go to school like me? What is in that bag?

I still see the people passing. Now many cars have put on their lights.

Where is daddy?

The smell of the maize on the sigiri is very nice. It is on the other side of the road. I cannot cross the road alone. And I do not even have money to buy a maize. I am cold. Sunas are biting me. My stomach is starting to pain.

Where is daddy?

Maybe he passed and he never saw me. My dress is colour green like the grass and maybe my colour brown skin is like the steps I am sitting on. And it is now dark.

But the trawza-woman saw me.

Maybe she is a night-dancer. They see in the dark, they say.

I see her coming back. I fear again.

Where is daddy?!

She reaches me and stops. I fear a lot!

Where is daddy?

She removes the music things from her ears. She says, How are you? I want to keep quiet but they say you should answer when a big person talks to you.

I am fine, I say in a small voice. My heart is beating very hard in my neck!

She says, Why are you sitting here?

She is not of this side. Her voice is different. And she talks good English. She must be from where those taxis bring and take people. Far away. Maybe she wants to take me far away. Maybe she will put me in that big bag and take me far away!!

Where is daddy?!

I am shaking very much and my heart is almost bursting.

She says, Where is your mummy?

I cannot answer. Maybe if I stay quiet she will just go away.

She says, Why don’t you go home? Why are you sitting here on these steps?

I just shake. Even the sunas have ran away.

She says, Look at me.

I look. She is a big person. Bigger than the big school children, but not big as Teacher Goretti, or daddy. Even Mummy is bigger than her.

What is your name?

I say my name in a very small voice, like a rat.

Eva? She says

Goretti, I say again.

Ooh…Goretti. What class are you Goretti? She says.

P.1, I say.

I see, she says. Why are you sitting here Goretti? Where is home? Where is mummy?

I try to tell her but am just shaking. I try to point but my hand does not move. I turn my head.

That way? She says. She points at where I turn my head.

I nod, Yes. I see the big people passing. The big children from the other school. Should I shout for them to help me?

Are you waiting for your sister or brother? She says.

I am waiting for daddy, I say. My voice is still small.

Daddy? Is he in the church here?

I shake my head, No. Should I lie, Yes? Will she go away if I lie, Yes?

Where is daddy?!!!

Do you want money for maize? She is smiling by herself. She is mad. But she sounds nice. Even her rasta hair looks nice. Not like the one of a mad person.

My stomach is paining. I nod, Yes.

Didn’t your mother tell you to not take money from people you do not know, hmm?

I don’t talk. Mummy told me not to talk to people I don’t know.

Didn’t she? I shake my head, No.

She laughs a small laugh. She takes the bag from her back. Teacher Grace comes out of the gate and down the steps. She says, Are you with her?

The trawza-woman says, No, she said she is waiting for her daddy. Is she from in there? She points at the gate. Teacher Grace nods, Yes.

Why don’t you wait inside with your friends? They are still playing near here. You go inside, Teacher Grace says.

She has saved me from the trawza-woman.

But I want maize! Even from this side of the road I can smell it. And my stomach is paining, very much. It is even crying.

The trawza-woman is holding some coins. She looks at Teacher Grace. Let me first buy you some maize, ok? You should not cross the road by yourself.

She looks this side and that side then she goes back to the other side of the road.

Teacher Goretti says to me, Was that woman disturbing you? What was she telling you?

I shake my head, No. I am not shaking very much now. She said, What is your name, what class are you, why are you sitting here on the steps, do you want money for maize, then you come, I say.

The trawza woman gives the coins to the woman at the sigiri and the woman takes one big maize, puts it in the covers of another maize and gives it to her. She looks this side and that side then she comes back this side.

Here is your maize, she says. Careful, it is hot. Bye now.

She puts the music things back in her ears, and puts her bag back on her back. She turns and walks away, singing by herself in a small voice. She snaps her fingers and shakes her head. I think she is dancing to the music from the small things in her ears. 

A suna bites my leg. But I am not cold now. The hot maize makes my hands warm and the smell makes me warm inside.

Maybe trawza-women are not bad. Even the mad ones with rasta hair.

But where is daddy?!