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1.8.07

Countdown to 23!!



Two weeks to go, and counting... Today, am saying 14 days to go...Tomorrow it'll be 13, the next 12, then 11, then 10... 9...8...Kinda like those little red digital figures on a time bomb, ticking away the seconds to destruction. Or that metallic voice over the intercom, counting down to blast-off...

Honestly speaking, at the end of my countdown is nothing as dramatic, only a day to mark my completion of 23 years of existance on this blue orb...See? Nothing dramatic, really. I mean, what's turning 23?

It's not like turning 1 when everyone's ecstatic that the little ball of life has actually survived a WHOLE YEAR on this harsh planet... Nor is it like turning 5 which is significant in developing countries coz most childhood deaths occur under five...Even turning 10 is worthy of praise; a decade completed.
Or if I was turning 23 with a decade removed-13, that would be cause to celebrate...TEENAGE! Officially grown up! Or so it seems then. Maybe there'd be more cause to celebrate turning 16 in certain countries-not this one definitely-coz then I'd drive, and do so much more legally. (I can't drive by the way)
Everyone celebrates turning 18. Recognised as an adult anywhere in the world, though most times it's only after producing ID, coz people this age more often than not DO NOT act like adults.
Then there's 20...and 21...and 30 ...40 (Here lies my youth...)

But 23? Who celebrates turning 23?
I do...or at least I plan to.

Just over a week ago I lost two friends in a motor accident. The total death toll came to five but the other three names didn't conjure up any faces. The two however...
The guy was a church-mate...at both the churches I attend in Kampala. We attended the same class fellowship at KPC and he was one of the few friends in Kampala that bothered to call me when I was away at university in Mbarara. He'd contacted me earlier in the holiday, saying we should get together, catch up on each others lives and all that...but we were both engaged in our different trainings till 20th July and we agreed we'd link up after that. Come 21st, am told Eddy was killed on spot that very morning when the van they are travelling in to bury a classmate's dad swerved off the road! To say it was a shock would be a vulgar understatment! I'd ran into him along Kampala road earlier that very week, and we'd agreed to set a date to meet. We were supposed to go for icecream....!
The gal was not as close...we were in Primary together... played in some of the same groups... lost touch when we went to different High schools...met up again at a mutual friend's birthday party earlier this year...At first when reading an sms mentioning the deceased I though it was someone else coz I was under the impression that the people travelling were MUK students and she was in Nkozi...I found out the truth the next day. Gina died on spot, just like Eddy. Gina died 14 days to her birthday...2 weeks to whatever age she was making. She left behind a 6 month old baby boy...

In light of the above, is it any wonder that am planning to celebrate 23? It might seem like just another year completed, nothing elaborate...but it will be another year completed. That is so much more than so many people get. It might seem like nothing but am grateful.




25.7.07

I love you...so i won't!


"If you love me, you'll let me..."
"If I let you, I will lose you,"

You aren't pleased with my answer, but let it go. Am no fool; I don't believe you won't ask again. But I'll stick to what I say because I know...
The age old lie you use...to get at what you want...what about what I want?

Your desire blinds you to your own selfishness. You tell me, "It'll only bring us closer..." and you believe your lie.
Am told different...I know different.

I've let you hold me...I've let you kiss me...I've given you everything I can, but this last one I can't...I won't.
Why the greed? Can't you settle for what you have? It's a lot already!
I know...how it will be. As soon as it's done, you'll leave. Most probably you'll leave. Or, just maybe...you'll hang around, wanting more. It might be nice at the start. Then things will change. Maybe suddenly, immediately...maybe more gradually, more subtlely. It'll become all about that single act of gratification...nothing else.


...if you'll even stay that long...

I want so much more. I deserve so much more.
So do you. Love looks out for the other's best interests. I do, for yours. Which is why I won't.

You repeat, "If you love me, you'll let me..."
"And if I don't...?" I ask
"Then you don't love me..."

You turn your back on me. It hurts, honestly it does. To think that this that I hold so sacred, means nothing more to you than one single act...? My shoulders slump in sorrow. I turn away too.
Then I raise my head, I square my shoulders. I'd rather lose you because I wouldn't...than because I did...I Am Right...

But I do love you...

I turn back. You look over your shoulder at me; in your eyes I read...regret?... anger?... remorse?...wounded pride?...loneliness?...
My resolve cracks as u turn to face me. You reach out, your eyes searching mine. I step closer, take your outstretched hand...
"Will you let me...?" you whisper as the distance between us narrows.

I drop your hand; I step back. This is never going to stop, unless...
I turn my back to you. I won't look back this time, I tell myself as I take the first step away. I know you are still looking at me, but I Won't Look Back!

"I love you...so I won't"

16.7.07

Sweet sin....?

As someone said....
"This is SINFUL!!"
......but who cares?!?!

17.6.07

on MUSIC............

I don't mean to brag or anything, but music comes naturally to me...the appreciation, the talent...I love to listen to good (not the use of the word) music.
I started playing piano in my Primary 3, but like with all other interests of mine, I didn't take it too seriously. I've played the flute and acoustic guitar, and at present I play the bass guitar (it's so much easier than acoustic..)

When i listen to a song, I listen to EVERYTHING about it, of least interest probably are the lyrics, though these have to be good for me to keep listening.
I listen for the message behind the message...the words between the lines...
I listen to the instruments more than anything...
-the percussion-the basic beat, the beat behind that...
-the melody, the way the different tunes weave in and out of each other, behind the words, yet one with the words and each other...a really good song always has those background sounds that you never hear unless you're listening for them, yet the song would sound totally different if they weren't there...
-and of course the voice... the singer of the words...the one who gives the words that life that makes them...

So you can understand why it takes a lot of energy on my part to resist the urge to stop the taxi, get out and walk whenever the radio plays one of our very own! At home, I control what I listen to. But in a taxi...I keep praying that I get to my destination without screaming in outrage at all the "hits" that keep blaring from the
Don't get me wrong, I do agree that occasionally, by some quack of nature, a local artist releases something that can be genuinely classified as music, but on the whole....our local music industry leaves a lot to be desired. When it is good, UTAKE (that all encompassing name coined by Chanel 5 for Ugandan, Kenyan and Tanzanian music) is near the top of my list of favourites, but let's face up to the fact that the TA and the KE are so much better at it than the U.
No! This is not a case of patriotism or some such claim-love-for-your-own-regardless-of... It's not. This is about calling a spade a spade, and pathetic, pathetic.

You don't agree? Well, that's your opinion... each one is entitled to their own and here's mine. I think most Ugandan music is shallow, pointless, uninspired, uninspiring, unoriginal, embarrassing, unmusical...! I can bet my first paycheck that each time that music is played, the forefathers of music turn over in their graves. With the recent mass release of local music it's no wonder we had an earthquake that was practically off the charts...the music ancestors must have been threatening to rise from the dead and do something about this....insult to humanity.
Still don't agree? Let me explain:
shallow: most of these guys sound like they just got a beat off some kid's toy, put words to it and sold it to the first radio station that felt like losing good listenership... the words rotate around one point, not saying anything new...the instruments would be frowned upon by my church band of nonprofessionals...the song generally doesn't add anything to the soul of the listener.
pointless: need clarification? listen to Faasi, Letter O...and countless other hits spoiling the airwaves these days.
uninspired: i really don't see any of these guys having that moment of inspiration when they actually get the ....(what's the word) to actually write a song and sing it. The impression I get is that the guy's kid or kid sis or some other toddler relation is babbling something at the dinner table and the guy thinks "Ah! A song, a hit, let me get paper and pen...she could write it out for me!"
uninspiring: as already said, most of these songs don't add anything lasting to the soul, body and general well being of any sensible human being.
unoriginal: listen to ten of these songs in a row and you realise you're listening to the same thing in different voices, to different beats, maybe the words change a bit, but the repetition is noticeable...either in the point(lessness) of the song, or the rhyming or the bit, or something!
embarrassing: some of the content of some of these songs is so wrong<>
unmusical: seriously by now I've said enough for that point to be self explanatory!

Watching these guys you'd think they said the best musician is the one with the most albums!! I mean, who ever heard of Bryan McKnight releasing two albums in one year?! Come to think of it, when did he last release an album? Yet he's recognised worldwide as a good artist.

Then come the music videos! The songs are bad, but the videos...(no words)! Watching those videos you'd think singers were told it is a must to have skimpily dressed gyrating bodies flashing at every beat! It's NOT!! It's PATHETIC, cheap popularity, uncouth, and if they argue that it increases the viewership, that should tell them how bad the songs are that one has to use optical (mal)nutrition to keep the viewers glued. I bet my second paycheck that most viewers watch those videos in mute...and the sensible people don't watch at all.
So, if I consider myself sensible, how come I watch them? BECAUSE THE LOUSY THINGS ARE PLAYED ON EVERY STATION, AT ALL TIMES, BETWEEN EVERY PROGRAMME...! It's a form of terrorism that no one is pointing out!

I have to remind you that the above applies to only a portion of the local music, but sadly the larger portion.
I have made up my mind to keep it international and ten music years back, because the recent out of Uganda music is almost just as bad!
Better still, I think I'll just stick to classical...Beethoven, Mendel, Chopin...now THAT's good music!

13.6.07

Dancing like nobody's watching...

There's something about this song...

I kinda identify with the gal in this song
Truth is, she probably danced that way 'coz she knew SOMEBODY WAS WATCHING!!
You know, it's all part of the game, like...act uninterested in him, he'll start chasing you...
Same here, she dances like she's in her own world so that whoever's out there watching-and she knows they are there-wants to join her in that world...
Nice trick, and as you can see at the end of the song, it works!
I guess that's how I live my life most days, giving the outward impression that "It's my life, I'm living it just for me..." and yet I'm more than aware of the fact that someone is watching so I make an effort to live my life such that whoever's watching is interested in knowing about that "World of my own"...

I L.O.V.E. the song!


I heard a sound in the distance, I remember so clear
And it drew me closer, As if fate brought me right here
Right here at the doorway, Where the night would begin
I didn't feel like a stranger, They said just come on in

Where the music was playing it was getting me started
People all around me
But I didn't expect what my eyes saw next
She mesmerized me by the way that she moved

She was dancing, dancing like nobody's watching in a world of her own
She was moving, moving like no-one was watching
So how could I let her know?

As I stepped to the dance floor
People getting down
I'm trying not to focus, But I Keep looking around
I knew I had to approach her
But she seemed so far away
Then came the right moment
Let nothing stand in my way

The music was playing it was getting me started
People all around me
But she didn't expect what I told her her
She mesmerized me
By the way that she moved

She was dancing, dancing like nobody's watching in a world of her own
She was moving, moving like no-one was watching
So how could i let her know?

I had to say girl You look so good
You are the one you know that you got the look
Then I see her smiling
She understands
We can move together

We were dancing, dancing like nobody's watching in a world of our own
We were moving, moving like one-one was watching
But how could i let her know?

She was dancing
I was watching
She was moving
In a world of her own

So u go out there and "Dance like nobody's watching"

On The Outside, Looking In...

It's quite dark now...and cold.
I swat at an inquisitive mosquito as I watch my fellow campers. They go about their various activities oblivious to my observation.
They have been on the island almost two hours now. Technically speaking, it is not an island but a finger like extension of the mainland, but since we took a boat here, I guess "island" is the logical way to think of it. But that is beside the point.
Most of the room's sixteen occupants are within, either lying or sitting on their beds, staring into space. A few are conspicuously absent from the scene, up to some unknown mischief in the gathering night outside, like me. The braver ones make tentative conversation with the other roomies, many of whom are seeing each other for the first time.
Mosquito nets hang from the ceiling like cousins to Casper, casting shadows all around the room, obscuring facial expressions.
They are all generally down, probably drained after the tension of the crossing in some flimsy looking wooden craft that threatened to damp us all in the lake with each wave...but more likely I'd attribute the crestfallen faces to the recent announcement that the hosts had forgotten to transport blankets across from the mainland!
The beds looking pathetically naked with their neatly spread floral sheets...it's a girls' cabin, you see. Two, however, boast blankets; one carried hers along, the other got one from God-knows-where on the island...
There's the one who's discovered her second digital camera is missing...probably left among the life jackets which are already en route to the mainland...
Then there's the one lying on her side, knees to chest, arms tightly wrapped around her knees... is she just cold, or in pain? More likely the latter... Maybe physical-dysmenorrhoea or plain old tummy upset-or emotional (girls, remember?)...
There's the one who looks like she owns the place...or is about to. She doesn't have the prevalent timid look. Rather, the way with which her eyes scan the room, not afraid to make eye contact clearly points her out to be an "adaptor", the kind of person who takes every possible situation in stride...
Okay, it's getting too cold to keep this up much longer...
Actually, I'm giving up now 'coz a mosquito the size of a wasp just gave me a convincing reason to get indoors fast...

7.6.07

help

that's all i ask.
i can't make any sense of this......THING..... called life! is there a manual? how do i know am doing it right?
why bother anyway, coz i'll still end up D.E.A.D!!