Caring for Me

I’m a bit late to this #UgBlogMonth party, but better late than never, right? Well, that (late or never) is a discussion for another day.

Today I am writing, as instructed, about what I do for self-care.

To be honest, that’s a hard one. For the simple reason that I do not intentionally care for self. Not consciously at least. Or at least I did not in the past.  Of late, I am making halfhearted attempts at self-care, since it is a thing, right? I mean, self-care, self-love – whatever you call it - feels like one of those social media trends that might not last beyond the next device upgrade. Looks like I am allowing myself to be swept up in this trend.

I, like so many others I believe, was brought up with the notion that it is noble to look out for others with next to no emphasis on looking after oneself. Jesus first, yourself last, others in between … spells J.O.Y, right?

Not always.

Self-care, as described by the first (and only) site that I have looked up is defined as “any activity that we do deliberately in order to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health.” - Its purpose: improved mood, reduced anxiety and a good relationship with oneself and others. 

See, it’s close to impossible to give to others what you do not have yourself. While it is noble to instill in little humans a heart for others, and to nip the evil of selfishness in its bud, we need to acknowledge that it is next to impossible to care for others without first caring for yourself. Actually it’s impossible. One might keep up the façade for a bit but it soon comes crumbling down.

Operative word in the definition up there is deliberately. Admittedly I used to occasionally do things I enjoyed but these were usually relegated to "free time" which was a rarity. 

So over the past few months I have intentionally added me-time to my schedule, as opposed to filling it with work, service and social responsibility. In this me-time, I do things that rejuvenate and refuel me, making me stronger for the journey of life.

I started doing a movie or two in cinema every Monday, usually on my own, usually action or animation, preferably 3D. It was discounted so did not feel too indulgent (See the reluctance to spend on self). That partially takes care of the mind side of things, as for the most part I am not too mentally invested in what is happening on the screen, but can push aside other cares of the day and just get lost in the story. For lock-down, I have subscribed to Netflix and looked up some of my favourite series, though that is a slippery slope. 

At other times, to clear my mind I will play Candy Crush or watch DIY videos on YouTube till the mental tangles straighten out and I am able to apply my mind more productively to the task at hand. 

I love to read novels, and the further from reality the story, the happier I am. I get lost in novels and will usually block out all else till I have completed a good story. In pursuit of discipline, I need to allocate a specific time to novels, probably the hour before bed.  

For physical well-being, I started dancing, and have written a couple of posts on that previously, here and here. Dancing was the extent of my physical activity for the week, and I enjoyed it until social distancing happened. For the past three weeks that I have been working from home, I have incorporated a 1 hour workout routine into my daily schedule, 5 days a week. I stare at my laptop screen and all day and this one hour is a chance to look at something else, be outside, and move about. I’m thinking of how I can maintain this post-covid as this time usually finds me in traffic or some other evening engagement. 

I find that the best way to effectively do this self-care thing is to first of all schedule, then secondly stick to the schedule. If that rejuvenating activity is not on schedule, chances are I will not find time for it. After it is on schedule, I need to remind myself that it is as important as everything else on the schedule so should not be pushed aside in favour of something else. Scheduling a fun activity is actually motivation to work harder at the other tasks in order to finish in time for it.  

Besides the DO’s of self-care there are also the DON’Ts. I try to control what I let into my life. Of course with social media, there’s all sorts of stuff flying at you from all directions all the time but there are ways to filter out what actually hits. Simple acts like blocking someone whose updates do not speak life or muting/leaving groups with more dampening than uplifting content can reduce the amount of negativity coming my way. I mean, it is my data, my time, my devices, my life. I also find people or content to follow that speaks of hope and greatness. This ranges from church material and leaders to music and art. 

The lock-down has allowed me the blessing of solitude in which I can do the much needed soul searching that everyday busy-ness did not allow. Spending time with God, searching out my purpose for being, understanding my shortcomings and harnessing my gifts, rethinking all my actions and decisions - meeting me. 

The more time I spend with me the better I understand how to take care of me in a way that will equip me to take better care of others.