Learning To Follow

I think I first got introduced to afro-latino dancing around 2013, and have been doing it on and off over the years. Never taking it particularly seriously, I had not danced much in nearly 3 years. Then towards the end of 2019 and my Harvest Institute Leadership Course, I resumed informal dance classes, continuing with these into 2020 until the need for social distancing put a stop to that. While I was happy to get my weekly dose of exercise in such a fun way, it quickly became clear to me that I was not many people’s choice of dance partner. And with a head full of insight from nearly a year of leadership training, I was able to quickly figure out why.

The things is, I love afro-latino music (Salsa, Bachata, Merenge, Kizomba, and their cousins Reggaeton and Zouk) for the simple fact that it is very dance-able to. For the most part I have no idea what is being sung, but those beats yank at my heart strings (and my body) in a way few other things do. However, there’s one aspect of afro-latino dancing that I find both great and frustrating in equal measure, and that’s the fact that it is a partner dance. This is all well and good, for the most part. You have someone to share the excitement of the dance with. Unless you don’t. But not having a partner is not the hardest part.

The frustrating bit is that it is a man-led dance. Which means the male partner leads the female

partner. He determines the steps, the intricacies, the style, everything. And I’m female, so I do not get to lead. Which is fine if I have a male partner who is higher up on the rank of dance-know-how and knows what he is doing. With subtle twists and tugs and prods, a good dance partner can lead even the most amateur learner who is willing to be led.

And THAT is the root of my frustrations. Being led. See all these courses we do (Harvest Institute Leadership Course inclusive  - LOL), TED talks we listen to, preachings, teachings etc talk about “How to be a better leader”. It’s all Lead, Lead, Lead. Hardly anyone talks about how to be a good follower. Okay, the church does talk about following Christ, but you get my drift. And in my day-to- day life, I am leading most of the time.

So you can imagine how hard it is to cast off the “Lead” command for an evening and take up the “follow” command. Letting someone else take the reins, be in control…WOW! How?! It requires a very real mental shift, and some days I just can’t find the energy to make the shift.

As I mentioned, a good dance partner will skillfully lead even the most amateur dancer and make them look like a star. So an intermediate dancer like me should shine with a good partner. I think John Maxwell’s Law of Respect kicks in here. It states: People naturally follow leaders stronger than themselves. I believe on a subconscious level, I assess my partner’s “strength” in terms of how good they are at the dance and decide whether to allow to be led and how much. Obviously things fall apart when I partner with someone who is not as skilled in dancing and I don’t fully allow myself to be led by them.

Needless to say, my most fulfilling dances are with more skilled partners. I have also noted that, when

I consciously allow myself to follow my partner’s lead, regardless of how skilled (or unskilled) they are, it is a win-win for both of us. So, the key to my getting the fullest joy out of afro-latino dancing – and to becoming most people’s choice of a dance partner – is in me learning to follow.

I am learning.